Clair Mellenthin

Child and Family Therapist

How To Spring Clean Your Soul

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While we often think of spring cleaning as decluttering our homes, this season can also be a wonderful time to emotionally let go of things that are taking up too much space. All of us have things that are keeping us from being fully present in our relationships and in our work.

Marie Kondo’s famous book “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” teaches us that we can honor things in our home for what they meant in our lives at one time, then learn to let them go. When it comes to the soul, some emotions, experiences, and even individuals may have once held significance but now can be released.

To begin this process, you may ask yourself a few questions. What hurt are you still holding onto? What grudges or painful experiences are taking up space in your heart? Do you have any shame that is limiting you? If so, what is at the root of it?

Letting go of these things isn’t always easy, but by working through your feelings, honoring what has some special memory or notable place in your past, and releasing these emotions and experiences, you can find greater freedom and joy in your life.

4 Strategies for Peaceful Parenting

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Let’s face it: parenting is stressful. No matter how “good” your children are, kids can be frustrating and test our patience. Taking care of your children’s needs 24/7 can be physically and emotionally exhausting. So is it any wonder that moms and dads can lose their temper, feel anxious, and overall dread the hard parts of parenting? Most all of us want to feel more joy in our relationships with our kids. Here are some strategies for more peaceful parenting:

Acknowledge the Challenges

The first step may seem a bit obvious, but you need to admit that there are things that are difficult. Sometimes just saying out loud that parenting is tough can help ease some of the anxiety. And you can’t solve a problem you don’t acknowledge. Do you feel resentful toward your children? Does your son or daughter seem to be negatively affected by your mood? Is your stress making it difficult to complete simple tasks? Allow yourself to acknowledge what’s really going on (even if it’s painful or unpleasant).

Get to the Root of Your Feelings

If you find yourself angry or yelling at your children, do a little emotional digging and discover what’s at the root of it. It may be anxiety and exhaustion (both common experiences of parenting). It could be something unrelated to your kids – a tough day at work, financial stress, or difficulty with extended family. You may be taking out the stress of these other things on your kids without even realizing it! When our plates are overflowing, little things can become big things really quickly. It’s not easy, but if you are able to practice self-care (like getting enough rest, exercising your body, and doing things that refresh your spirit), you can help reduce your anger and then feel more peaceful with your children.

Take Responsibility

If your actions and words with your children are a continual issue, it’s important to hold yourself accountable for your slip-ups and mistakes. Catch yourself when you’re about to lose your temper. Practice meditation techniques to calm yourself down before an incident occurs. If things get very heated emotionally, have the courage to leave the room until you can gain control. It’s okay to put yourself in time out to breathe, think, and calm down. I find that after giving myself a few minutes, I can think more clearly and be the parent I want and need to be – even on the tough days!

Celebrate the “Wins”

When you feel yourself improving in areas of parenting where you once struggled, give yourself credit for doing a great job! Take notice when your kids smile and enjoy these moments together. Join in on the jumping in the leaves or licking the last drop of an ice cream cone. Praising the accomplishments and progress you make in this endeavor can inspire you to continue to practice peaceful parenting.

https://www.mother.ly/life/peaceful-parenting-is-my-goal-and-im-slowly-imperfectly-getting-there?fbclid=IwAR0iR1PwzE82mQn9l4OF5c8S5lGPNMHISjiLFuKDEJfFEjtj2FL34zh0aeU

Bittersweet Life Transitions In Parenting

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bittersweet transitions

One of the hardest things about parenting is watching our children grow up and leave the nest- even though this is what we have been working towards and for since our baby’s first breath! Whether it’s heading off to school for the first time or moving out of the house as a young adult, the transition is not always easy for moms and dads. There is a loss involved and even a grieving process as we adults say goodbye to how things used to be at home. Although the change can be difficult, there are ways to make it less painful and even make it a joyful experience to open the next chapter of life. Here are some strategies to help parents get through this time:

Give Yourself Permission To Feel Sad and Excited

Often, parents feel confused that they feel both sorrow and liberation that they have more time to themselves. Sorrow because a child that they love won’t be around as much and won’t need them like they did before, and liberation because they not have more time to sleep, exercise, relax, and a number of other things. I encourage parents to embrace all emotions that they experience during this transition; don’t feel guilty if you’re looking forward to your son or daughter being away more of the time! Don’t try to suppress these feelings, as they’re totally natural.

Start Finding You Again

We put so much time, energy, and love into raising these precious children that being a parent naturally becomes a huge part of our self-identify.  As transitions occur, and little kids become great big kids who aren’t around as much,  it’s not uncommon to experience somewhat of an identity crisis, even a panic.  Most of our adult life has centered to being with our kids and meeting their needs, so it can be a little tender for a parent when they no longer need us to respond  to their every need, because they are figuring it out for themselves.  If you find this to be the case for you, it’s time to get in touch with who you are in addition to being a parent. Perhaps you can take a class, spend more time with friends, and get back to hobbies you may have had to sacrifice in order to be there for your child. If this is overwhelming, start small with simple activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Know That There Are Good Things Ahead!

The famous author CS Lewis once said that there are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind. While it can be heart-wrenching to say goodbye to having little ones home with you during the day, think of all the wonderful adventures ahead (both for yourself and for your son or daughter)! This can be a wonderful time for your child to learn and grow in a way that he/she couldn’t if the transition didn’t happen. Cherish the memories you have, but also look forward to the ones you will create.