Clair Mellenthin

Child and Family Therapist

How To Spring Clean Your Soul

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While we often think of spring cleaning as decluttering our homes, this season can also be a wonderful time to emotionally let go of things that are taking up too much space. All of us have things that are keeping us from being fully present in our relationships and in our work.

Marie Kondo’s famous book “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” teaches us that we can honor things in our home for what they meant in our lives at one time, then learn to let them go. When it comes to the soul, some emotions, experiences, and even individuals may have once held significance but now can be released.

To begin this process, you may ask yourself a few questions. What hurt are you still holding onto? What grudges or painful experiences are taking up space in your heart? Do you have any shame that is limiting you? If so, what is at the root of it?

Letting go of these things isn’t always easy, but by working through your feelings, honoring what has some special memory or notable place in your past, and releasing these emotions and experiences, you can find greater freedom and joy in your life.

Get On The Floor And Play!

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We all understand that it’s important to play with our children, but did you know that you can have even more of an impact when you physically get down on the floor with them? It’s true!

Being on the floor in closer proximity to your children helps them feel seen and heard. Parents should put their phones away, get down on the carpet or the ground, and give their kiddos that individualized attention they need. Let the child be the boss and direct the play. This is so important for their brain development, gross and fine motor skills, and also the development of their social abilities and other skills they’ll need throughout their life.

Research shows that all kids really need is 20 minutes a week playing with their parents. That’s very little time, and we can certainly do that and even do more. Getting on the floor to play with your child can help create a deeper bond and give your child experiences that they’ll always remember.

4 Strategies for Peaceful Parenting

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Let’s face it: parenting is stressful. No matter how “good” your children are, kids can be frustrating and test our patience. Taking care of your children’s needs 24/7 can be physically and emotionally exhausting. So is it any wonder that moms and dads can lose their temper, feel anxious, and overall dread the hard parts of parenting? Most all of us want to feel more joy in our relationships with our kids. Here are some strategies for more peaceful parenting:

Acknowledge the Challenges

The first step may seem a bit obvious, but you need to admit that there are things that are difficult. Sometimes just saying out loud that parenting is tough can help ease some of the anxiety. And you can’t solve a problem you don’t acknowledge. Do you feel resentful toward your children? Does your son or daughter seem to be negatively affected by your mood? Is your stress making it difficult to complete simple tasks? Allow yourself to acknowledge what’s really going on (even if it’s painful or unpleasant).

Get to the Root of Your Feelings

If you find yourself angry or yelling at your children, do a little emotional digging and discover what’s at the root of it. It may be anxiety and exhaustion (both common experiences of parenting). It could be something unrelated to your kids – a tough day at work, financial stress, or difficulty with extended family. You may be taking out the stress of these other things on your kids without even realizing it! When our plates are overflowing, little things can become big things really quickly. It’s not easy, but if you are able to practice self-care (like getting enough rest, exercising your body, and doing things that refresh your spirit), you can help reduce your anger and then feel more peaceful with your children.

Take Responsibility

If your actions and words with your children are a continual issue, it’s important to hold yourself accountable for your slip-ups and mistakes. Catch yourself when you’re about to lose your temper. Practice meditation techniques to calm yourself down before an incident occurs. If things get very heated emotionally, have the courage to leave the room until you can gain control. It’s okay to put yourself in time out to breathe, think, and calm down. I find that after giving myself a few minutes, I can think more clearly and be the parent I want and need to be – even on the tough days!

Celebrate the “Wins”

When you feel yourself improving in areas of parenting where you once struggled, give yourself credit for doing a great job! Take notice when your kids smile and enjoy these moments together. Join in on the jumping in the leaves or licking the last drop of an ice cream cone. Praising the accomplishments and progress you make in this endeavor can inspire you to continue to practice peaceful parenting.

https://www.mother.ly/life/peaceful-parenting-is-my-goal-and-im-slowly-imperfectly-getting-there?fbclid=IwAR0iR1PwzE82mQn9l4OF5c8S5lGPNMHISjiLFuKDEJfFEjtj2FL34zh0aeU

Back-To-School Emotional Checklist

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When we think of back-to-school lists, things like notebooks, pencils, and doctor check-ups may come to mind. But have you ever considered what things need to be included to address our children’s mental health? Here are some ideas to include for an emotional back-to-school list:

Check In With Your Child
At the start of school, make sure you regularly check in with your child. Take it beyond the casual “How was school today?” and really ask questions about the good and the bad of their experience. It’s so important to create a home culture were both positive and negative emotions are validated, so be sure to let your child know that it’s okay to have big, hard feelings.

Ask To Dig Deeper
Sometimes, children need some help identifying their own internal experiences. If you notice signs that a son or daughter is having a hard time (like withdrawing from normal activities, crying, or tummy aches), don’t be afraid to say something like, “hey, you seem a little upset today. Can you help me understand how you’re feeling?” If they struggle to articulate their feelings in words, you can also have them point to where they are feeling these big things in their body. It is common for stomach aches, headaches, and other physical symptoms to occur when emotional distress is high. Make sure to validate them by saying “that sounds really tough, and I’m so sorry you went through that.”

Use A Transitional Object
For some children, it’s helpful to have a physical object to carry to school and then take home with them to create some sort of continuity and bring a sense of comfort. Especially in the early ages (like Kindergarten and 1st grade), a transitional object or a special ritual with Mom or Dad (like what is described in the children’s book “The Kissing Hand”) can be extremely helpful.

Breathe and Be Kind To Yourself
Parenting is tough enough, and it’s really tough to see our kids struggle. It can be hard to ensure all our children’s needs are met as well as take care of all of our other responsibilities. Breathe, practice patience with yourself, and just do your absolute best.