Beyond Bullying: Teaching Kids To Stand Up and Speak Up
October is National Bullying Prevention Month, and since bullying has been a trending topic of conversation for the last few years, I wanted to give my take on it (and perhaps even help us move forward from the current discussion). Here are some ideas for us to better understand what bullying is and to know some strategies for how to deal with it:
Not Everything Is Bullying
Bullying is a buzzword these days, and our kids have been well trained to spot a bully or talk about bullies. Many schools have gone to great lengths to prevent and manage bullying, and while it’s wonderful that while we are cracking down on cruel behavior and words, I find myself wondering if perhaps things have gone too far. Some kids seem to think that every little problem or slight against them is bullying (“Mom, the mean kid bullied me when he cut in front of me in line!”). Let’s make sure we’re not inadvertently watering down the definition; true bullying is a power differential between two people where there is a repeated pattern of intentional harassment, abuse, or intimidation. It may be helpful to sit down and have a conversation with your children about what bullying actually is (and what it isn’t).
Empower Your Kids
When your child is having a problem with a peer or classmate that isn’t bullying, what can you do? One of the best ways to start a conversation about peer problems is to ask your child how they feel about what is happening, and what they think about it. This is a great opportunity to teach and demonstrate important social coping skills, such as standing up for oneself. Help your child learn that it’s okay to be assertive and say, “I’m not okay with that. Please stop” or even to simply walk away from a difficult situation. When a child comes to you with a friend problem, it’s a good idea to ask what they think they should do. Part of the process of becoming a mature adult is to learn how to best deal with uncomfortable situations, so try to get your son/daughter to view this as an opportunity to practice these important life skills.
When Bullying Occurs, Be Your Child’s Best Advocate
A good rule of thumb is to have children attempt to work out their problems on their own first. However, if a kid has tried to make things better with a peer but hasn’t been successful, if their coping skills have been maxed out, and if there is true bullying going on, then it’s time for you to intervene. Being an advocate doesn’t mean being a helicopter parent, but it does mean that you assess the situation and take the proper steps (such as getting school administrators and the other child’s parent involved) to eliminate the bullying. This gives the message that you care about your kids enough to take action to protect them.