Healing the Hater Within


Have you seen on Facebook Colby Caillat’s new song? She is tired of the metamorphosis that takes place behind the scenes to make her look beautiful and thin. This has created a frenzy on social media, and is a great place to start talking about the negative self talk that circulates around body image and what we think we must do or be to be beautiful.

Each of us has our own record player inside our brain. For many people, especially women, negative self talk is the running thought inside your mind such as, “you better not wear that,” “you are not smart enough,” or “you blew that.” It really creates a hater inside. If you let it play it long enough, it can really be damaging. Often times that’s the voice that we listen to, rather than our more positive voice.

We know that we are not supposed to do it, but when you are in that mode, how do you stop it?

My little girls are fascinated with my body right now. All of my little sisters are pregnant right now and having babies, and so they asked me, “ Are you pregnant?” “Are you going to have another baby?” While that ship has sailed a long time ago, even though they don’t know that, those comments started the record player. As I noticed that my inner hater was turned on, I thought, “This is dumb! There is so much to be grateful for with my body.”

I started listening to the things that I am grateful for.

I am grateful that I can walk.
I am grateful that I can smile.
I am grateful that I have feet.

It was amazing the sense of peace and gratitude that came over me.

Other ways to heal the hater within include having a nightly check in. This includes a mental list of what things you are not feeling comfortable with, that can be improved upon and what things you do love about yourself. Somethings I have the power to change, and other things I have no control of.

Catch yourself when the hater begins to speak and combat the destructive talk with a saying such as, “I am good enough” or “I do have worth.” Just like you wouldn’t allow your child to verbally assault their sibling, it is important to treat yourself with the same boundaries and respect.

Look for a healthy role model to try to model in your own life. Take note of how they deal with challenging situations, how they treat others who are close to them, and most importantly how they treat themselves.

Lastly, find a positive mantra for your life for example: “I’m worth it.” You can reprogram that record player to remind you of your brilliance. Rather than engraining your brain with hate, use a positive, simple phrase to breathe belief into your heart.


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